


Once I'm Gone

by LittleRock17



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Crying Lena Luthor, Death of Supergirl, F/F, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Kara Danvers dies, Kryptonite, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor-centric, Love Confessions, Supergirl (TV 2015) Season 5, snowbird, supergirl 100th episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRock17/pseuds/LittleRock17
Summary: Based on the 100th episode. Kara tells Lena she's Supergirl and Lena goes to Metropolis to talk about it to Sam. However, the atmosphere has been poisoned with kryptonite and Lena doesn't make it back in time to save her best friend. What happens after?
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 16
Kudos: 171





	1. Lena Luthor

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on fanfiction.net under the same name and user  
> Forgive me for any typos  
> Get your tissues ready

"So, Kara is Supergirl?" Sam said with surprise in her voice as she walked by Lena's side on the streets of Metropolis.

"Yeah, I know. My head is kinda spinning." The raven haired woman replied, her arms crossed over her chest. "When you were Reign and I made kryptonite to stop you, you know, in response Supergirl was so horrible." She stopped and shifted on her feet to face Sam who also folded her arms. "And then Kara was the same, she was so kind and supportive… It made me think, which is the real Kara…? and if the real Kara thought I was a villain…" Lena looked down, feeling the tears threatening to fall down her cheeks, "…then maybe that's all I really am."

"Lena," Sam's tone made Lena look up again, "you made kryptonite to split me from Reign and to save my life. You were never the villain, you were always the hero." The brunette stated.

Lena nodded as a broken smile formed on her lips. "Thank you… I really needed to hear that." Lena stepped forward, Sam doing the same, and let herself be engulfed in a bone crushing hug. They stayed in that position for a few moments until a green cloud started to fall from the sky, making them pull away.

Both women looked up, seeing the green mist recreate an image that looked a lot like the Northern Lights. "What is this?" The brunette asked.

Confusion was all over the CEO's face when, after a few moments, the cloud disappeared. "Didn't it looked a lot like… kryptonite?" She muttered the last word with a trembling voice.

"Superman hasn't been in Metropolis for a few weeks, do you think someone is trying to lure him in?" Sam's jaw tensed.

Green eyes widened in realization as the woman shook her head. "No… if this is what I think it is, it's not to lure anyone in…" a loud gulp was heard as Lena tried to spit her next words, "… this is to kill any Kryptonians on Earth." Turning around to face the street, Lena put her thumb and index fingers in her mouth, letting a loud whistle come out of her lips and effectively stopping a taxi. Opening the cab's back door, she turned her face to see Sam. "I have to get back to National City but thank you Sam… I really needed you."

The brunette gave Lena a smile that didn't go with the worry in her eyes, "Go, save her."

The CEO nodded and entered the taxi. "Take me to L-Corp." She simply said, skipping any pleasantries.

"Ma'am, its late, there's probably no one there." The driver replied as the car pulled off the sidewalk.

"I said, take me to L-Corp." Lena barked as she pulled out her phone. She dialed her pilot's number – she was designing an aircraft that didn't need one but for now she'd have to use him – and waited for him to answer.

" _Good evening Miss Luthor."_ The man answered after two tones.

"Is the jet ready to go?" Again, she didn't have the time for greetings.

" _Uh, Miss Luthor, I thought you were leaving in the morning."_ His confusion was obvious.

"Change of plans, I need to be in National City tonight. How long?" Lena asked again, looking at the streets as she got closer to her company.

" _We refueled the jet at landing so I just need to talk to the control tower so they can give us the ETD."_

"I'll meet you in an hour. I don't care if they have to cancel all the flights tonight but I want to be out of Metropolis before midnight." She ended the call. It was 10:25 pm, which meant that it was 7:25 pm in National City. Lena didn't know how much time did Kara had, she just hoped she made it there in time.

"L-Corp, miss." The driver said as he parked in front of the tall building. Without a word, Lena toss him a few bills and got out of the taxi and strode towards L-Corp.

"Ma'am, you can't go insi–" A security guard said from afar but interrupted himself when he realized who he was talking to. "Miss Luthor, I'm sorry, I didn't know –" this time, Lena interrupted him.

"It's fine just unlock the door." She ordered.

The man did as he was told, letting the young Luthor inside her building. Her high heels clicking as she walked towards the elevators, she wrote her code in an electronic lock pad making the elevator descend to the labs. The ride down took forever in Lena's opinion. She exited the elevator and, not bothering putting on a lab coat, approached the first computer she saw. Entering her password, she accessed the account were she kept all of her prototypes schematics and searched for her files on kryptonite. After her fallout with Supergirl – or should she say Kara? – Lena couldn't stop thinking about the words she said… _Do you know what it's like to walk into a room and your skin feel like it's going to be seared off your bones? Or like nails are running through your blood? That's what Kryptonite feels like._ As angry as she had been at the Kryptonian, she didn't want to see her hurt and so she started working on a protective suit for her, one that could filter the kryptonite out of her body. She had actually built it already but hadn't had the chance to test it until now. Given her rush departure form National City she had actually taken the disk containing it with her as it was inside her purse so she couldn't just call Alex and ask her to take it to Kara, she had to take it herself or give the new DEO director the blueprints and hope she could recreate it. Lena started the download, tapping her foot impatiently, cursing under her breath as the file was taking too long to transfer. She wished she could do this from her jet but, again, given that she left in a rush she didn't even bring her work tablet and it was only possible to log into L-Corp's network from an approved device. After what felt like years, the file was ready in a flash drive. Lena quickly logged out of the computer and didn't even bother turning it off, she practically ran out of the building and took the first taxi she could towards the airport.

Skipping airport security, Lena walked straight out towards the runway where she spotted her pilot waiting. "Is it ready?"

"Yes, Miss Luthor. The tower gave us permission to take off in 15 minutes." The man started walking by Lena's side and offered his hand as she climbed into the jet, quickly following her.

Looking at her wristwatch, the raven haired woman saw that it was 11:20 pm. She would be pleased with the efficiency of her staff if she wasn't so worried. "Perfect. Start the engine to leave the second we're authorized." Before she could sit down, Lena's phone started ringing. The caller ID showed Alex Danvers' name. She answered right away.

" _Lena, Supergirl needs you."_ The DEO director said, concern was painfully obvious on her voice. _"I'm sending a team to bring you here as soon as possible."_

"Alex, I'm not in National City." Lena's nails were digging into her palm in frustration.

" _Where are you!?"_ The concern transformed into desperation as her last chance to save her sister seemed to be out of reach.

"I'm in Metropolis, my jet is about to take off." Lena tried to remain calmed but the truth was she was getting desperate as well.

" _Kara doesn't have six hours."_ The redhead sobbed.

"With my jet, I can be there in three," Lena was pacing in the small hallway, she couldn't stay still, "you just have to keep her stable for that long. I have something that might help her, I'll send you the schematics so you can start recreating it at the DEO."

" _Do it… and come quickly. She needs you,_ I _need you."_ Alex pleaded. _"I can't lose her."_

"I won't let that happen." Lena ended the call and pulled out an adaptor to connect the flash drive to her phone.

It took almost half an hour to finally send the file to Alex, who called her again a few minutes after.

" _Building this suit will take too long, Kara doesn't have that kind of time."_

Lena let out a trembling breath. "Alex, I can't do anything from here." The plane was in the air but even as fast as it was, it didn't seem enough. "I have it with me but –"

" _Wait, you already built it?"_ Alex interjected.

"Yes, I had it in my purse when I left National City…" The green eyed woman felt guilty, if she hadn't left, her friend would already had the suit.

" _I'll send J'onn for it, give me your location."_

Without taking the phone away from her ear, Lena spoke to her pilot. "Where are we?"

The man answered immediately. "We're flying above Indiana, Miss Luthor. Two hours away from National City."

"We're in Indiana."

" _Keep a direct course towards National City and J'onn will intercept you. It will take him about 40 minutes to get to you."_

"Let's hope that's fast enough." Lena whispered. The call ended.

As she waited for the Green Martian, Lena was anxiously fidgeting, biting her nails, tapping her foot, running her hand through her hair – which she had taken off the tight bun she had since morning – when she finally got a message from the Manhunter.

" _Lena, I'll phase inside the cabin, I recommend you warn your pilot."_ The usually calmed tone J'onn used was nowhere to be found as it resonated inside Lena's head.

" _Just be quick."_ The CEO thought, knowing J'onn could hear. "Phil," she said, making her pilot turn around to see her, "you're about to see something really strange but I ask you to remain calm and remember your NDA." She warned the man.

Phil only nodded and turned again to keep the plane in the air. J'onn appeared inside soon after that.

"Lena, where is it?" The alien asked as he looked around the cabin.

The raven haired woman took the red and blue device out of her purse and handed it to the Martian. "Just place it over her chest and it will do the rest." He nodded and was about to phase out of the jet when Lena grabbed his arm. "Can you take me with you?" She practically begged.

J'onn gave her a sad look. "Your body couldn't withstand the speed of the flight. I have to get to Supergirl as fast as possible." He explained.

Lena tensed her jaw and looked down in resignation. "Just… please save her." Her voice was a broken whisper as the last words left her lips.

J'onn approached Lena and placed a hand over her shoulder. " _We_ will." And then he was gone.

Phil cleared his throat, making Lena look up again. "Miss Luthor, we'll arrive in a little over an hour. I'm sure you will get to Supergirl in time."

The CEO felt a tear roll down her cheek. "I really hope so…"

::::::

As soon as Lena set foot in the DEO she knew something was wrong. Something was very wrong. They let her inside as they had done before but there wasn't a sense of urgency in the air one would expect with the situation, with Supergirl injured. There was dread, sorrow. And Lena didn't like that. An agent – who Lena quickly identified as Vazquez – approached her.

"Where is she?" Lena asked before the agent could speak.

"Ma'am, I don't think is a good idea for you to go there." The short haired woman stated.

"Where is she!?" The CEO raised her voice, making everyone around them look in their direction, not that they hadn't been doing just that before.

Vazquez swallowed loudly as she lowered her face, trying to hide the sadness that clouded her features. "This way, ma'am."

She led Lena towards the med bay. As they grew closer, Lena could hear sobs growing louder. _No, no, no!_ The color drained out of her face as tears filled her eyes. Vazquez stopped and pointed the door without a word.

The green eyed woman stood by the door, taking a deep breath before finally stepping inside. She felt like the air was knocked out of her lungs at the image that greeted her. Alex practically on the bed, her face buried in her sister's neck, as the most horrible cries left her throat. The sunlamps were off and so were the monitors. Brainy was sitting on a corner with her head between his knees and J'onn was back in his human form with a hand on Alex's back. They didn't notice Lena until a whimper escaped her lips.

"Kara!" Lena cried out, as she moved closer to the heroine's body.

Alex jumped off the bed and stopped Lena in her tracks. "No! You don't _get_ to call her that! You don't get to call her _anything_ anymore!" She was about to push Lena when J'onn stopped her.

"Alex! Don't do this." The alien reprimanded the redhead.

She turned around to look at him. "It's her fault! If she hadn't ran off to Metropolis after Kara told her who she was, she could have saved her!" She turned to face Lena again, whose eyes were red as the tears kept flowing down. "If you had been here, she would still be _alive_." She hissed.

Lena covered her mouth with one hand, trying to muffle her sobs to no avail. "No, that's not true…" It couldn't be, right? Lena didn't kill her best friend. She did not.

"But it is, Lena." Alex said cruelly. "J'onn didn't make it here in time because you were across the _fucking_ country." She slowly walked closer to Lena until their faces were just a few inches apart. "Now I'm going to ask you to leave before I kick your ass."

The CEO couldn't hold Alex's gaze, something that never happened to her, so she lowered her face. "Let me see her." Lena wanted to see Kara one last time. Seeing her from afar was not enough.

"You don't deserve to see her." Those were the director's final words.

Lena bit her bottom lip so hard she felt blood filling her mouth. She turned around and left the room only to slump her back against the wall next to the door with her face hidden by her hands as she sank to the floor, screaming.

::::::

Lena spent the next two days draining her entire alcohol supply and helping Brainy clear the atmosphere since Superman had to come back from his sabbatical to protect Earth and for his cousin's funeral. She had no idea how she would face the Man of Steel, knowing it was her fault Kara was dead. _Kara was dead._ God, it hurt so much every time she thought about it which was basically every second. The alcohol was supposed to numb that pain, make her forget but it wasn't working, her brain was betraying her. The only good thing about that was that, even in her intoxicated state, she and Brainy figured out how to use her nanites to get rid of the kryptonite.

On the third day without Supergirl, there was finally a press release. After the DEO informed President Baker of what happened and he sent Colonel Haley to oversee the agency, a task that also included revealing to the public that Earth's Champion had fallen. Haley called for the conference at the water front, where The Girl of Steel statue was erected, but no one had any idea what was going on. DEO agents disguised as FBI surrounded the area but Alex was nowhere in sight, a fact that didn't surprise Lena who was sitting as far away from the stage as she could, sunglasses covering her red eyes both from crying and drinking. Colonel Haley finally stepped into the small stage.

She walked to the podium and cleared her throat. "Citizens of National City, I'm Colonel Haley of the United Stated Marine Corps and I'm here in behalf of the President Baker to inform you of an extremely tragic situation." The camera flashes didn't seem to bother the woman. "Three nights ago, the two terrorist that attacked former president Marsdin escaped custody and did something terrible: they irradiated Earth's atmosphere with a compound capable of killing Kryptonians." The members of the press started asking questions while the general audience started whispering with fear. "We have been informed that Superman was still off world when this happened but unfortunately his cousin didn't have the same luck." Haley's hands gripped the edges of the podium, getting ready to say her next line. "It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that the superhero known to the world as Supergirl passed away on October 21st of the current year." The crowd exploded, people were crying, others were hysterical, the press shouting for more information while Lena could only stay still, feeling the tears travel down her cheeks betraying the poker face she had under the sunglasses. "Supergirl's actions will not be forgotten and as a thank you for her invaluable services to this country, President Baker has proclaimed October 21st as 'Supergirl Day' from this day forward. Moreover, I can assure you that the atmosphere was been cleared of the compound and Superman has already returned to Earth, where he will continue to do his good work." As if on cue, Superman descended from the sky, hovering just above the statue of his cousin but not going any closer. He looked at the people his cousin protected and then fixated his blue-green eyes into one person in particular. Lena felt his gaze but didn't dare return it. "Thank you all for coming, I will not be taking any questions." With that, Haley left the stage, reporters still asking questions like _'What will happen to her body?'_ or _'Could Lex Luthor be behind this?'_ but she didn't answer. They started directing their questions to the Man of Steel but he didn't come down, he just flew away.

The whole world knew about Supergirl's demise in less than an hour, news channels playing and replaying Colonel Haley's press conference as well as footage of many of Supergirl's savings. The monument to the Girl of Steel was overflowing with flowers, candles, art and photos of the Super, some people were even singing songs in her honor, Krypton Park back in Metropolis was the same. Unfortunately, the crime rates spiked that afternoon, NCPD was swamped with criminals that thought it was their chance to succeed with the heroine gone. CatCo building was illuminated with the House of El crest once the sun fell and so was L-Corp at Sam's orders. She had come to National City after Lena called her the next morning of Kara's death and she was helping the young Luthor run the company again.

Four days after kryptonite poisoned the skies, Kara Danvers was buried.

Lena wasn't surprised so many people showed up, people who worked at CatCo, friends from her Midvale days, some others from National City University. Most of them were shocked to hear Kara had died of a heart condition she apparently had had since she was a child. Only a few knew the truth. Some agents of the DEO were there paying their respects, Brainy was surprised to see Nia Nal, the woman that had helped him in the pizza place and apparently also worked in CatCo with Kara as he found out. Eliza was in the front row, Alex beside her with an arm wrapped around her mother. J'onn was on the redhead's free side, Clark and Alura, who Lena met briefly during the Worldkillers debacle, and Lois and Lucy Lane, where also present. James and a woman Lena presumed was his sister due to the big resemblance between her and her ex-boyfriend – yes, ex-boyfriend. She couldn't believe he talked shit about Supergirl to her causing their fall down, knowing it was Kara all along, when he himself distrusted her multiple times because of her last name – where present as well. Even Cat Grant was there, big sunglasses obscuring her face. A small group of people that seemed a little out of place caught Lena's attention, they were talking among each other: two tall men, one lean and the other with broad shoulders, both very athletic, a blonde woman with glasses that reminded her painfully of Kara, a Latino looking guy with long hair and a sweet looking young woman with chestnut hair. Sam and Ruby were also there, the brunette had approached Lena as soon as she saw her but the young Luthor refused to go any closer.

Lena was standing far away, under the shade of a tree – it was ironic how the sun was out, bright and warm just as Kara liked it, when everyone was mourning her –, not feeling worthy of being near the blonde's loved ones. She was the reason Kara was dead and she would not disrespect them like that. She shouldn't have shown up at all but she couldn't bear the thought of not saying goodbye to her friend.

After a few moments of people getting close to Eliza and Alex and saying how sorry they were for their loss, everyone sat down and Alex walked towards the closed casket, facing everyone. "Thank you all for being here." Her voice was hoarse, showing that she hadn't stopped crying. "I think Kara would be happy to see she was important to so many people," Alex sniffed as she rubbed her index finger under her red nose. "She was more than important to me, though… she was…" a trembling sigh left her lips, "… she was my _everything._ " She looked down, biting her bottom lip. "She was my sister, my best friend, my confident. She was my hero." Lena sucked in a breath at that one, just like everyone who understood the true meaning. "Even if at first it wasn't like that, even when I treated her like she was my worst nightmare, she always tried to be better. To rise above." The redhead looked up again, revealing the tears flowing down her cheeks. "I am grateful I got to spend so many years with her by my side as my partner in crime. Kara was the kindest, strongest, selfless, most courageous person I've known, and I'm sure there are many more adjectives to describe her but we don't have all day." A few quiet laughs were heard. "She wanted to make a difference in this unfair world, and I think she did, not only with her journalism, but with each one of us. She always pushed us to be our better selves, to help others and to seek justice. She never gave up even when she had every reason to. If she was feeling down, she would take a deep breath, look at the sky and watch the constellations, like she told me she used to do with her birth dad." Lena saw Eliza and Clark wrapping their arms around Alura's. "She sometimes felt like she didn't belong but she started letting people in, and so, she started to feel at home. She was my home and she will always be in my heart." Alex turned around and grabbed a white flower from the big bouquet behind her, gently placing it over the coffin. It started to slowly descend and once it was all the way down, Alex approached her mother who had just stood up and kissed her cheek. Eliza grabbed another flower and threw it inside the grave. Alura followed, then Clark, J'onn, Cat, Sam and so on.

Lena got herself together and started walking towards the gravesite. Once she got close enough, she noticed that the flowers were white plumerias. It was an unusual flower for a funeral since it meant new beginnings but it also meant spirituality and innocence, and somehow it fitted. Also, the yellow in the flowers reminded Lena of Kara's hair. The green eyed woman grabbed a flower, remembering that time she filled the reporter's office with them, and walked slowly towards her friend's final resting place. She stayed there for a few seconds, _I'm so sorry Kara, I wish you can forgive me,_ playing on repeat on her mind.

Lena lowered herself to her knees, not caring if her expensive pants got dirty, and gently deposited the flower above all the other ones. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I love you Kara… I will never stop loving you." A single tear escaped her closed eyelids. When she stood up and turned around, Alex was there, standing close to her with a tired expression. "Alex, I…" What could she say? 'I'm sorry I got your sister, Earth's hero, killed'? "I'll leave immediately, I just wanted to say goodbye." Lena expected everything. From shouting to a well-deserved punch on the face, or maybe the redhead would just spit in her face, saying she knew she was just another Luthor. She did not expect what happened.

Alex stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. "I'm sorry for what I said." Lena has stiff in the embrace, her arms at her sides, not knowing what to do or say. "It wasn't your fault, you would've done everything to save her, you _could have_ saved her when I couldn't. She was your best friend and you lost her too." The redhead squeezed Lena harder, making her snap out of her shock and slowly raise her arms to hug Alex back. "It wasn't fair of me to blame you and she would never forgive me if I did." Alex hid her face on Lena's neck, the CEO did the same. "I'm _so_ sorry, Lena."

Lena cried hard on Alex's shoulder, her hands fisting the redhead's coat. "T-thank you… I really needed to hear that." Alex barely heard the muffled sound of Lena's voice. The CEO didn't notice that she had said the exact same words to Sam back in Metropolis.

Alex finally let go of Lena, wiping the tears off her face. She put her hand inside her pocked and pulled out a transparent crystal and some kind of disk that looked like a futuristic coaster. Alex placed the objects in Lena's hands and let out a heavy breath. "She wanted me to give you this. You should watch it when you get home." She rested her right hand on Lena's left shoulder and squeezed it and then walked away without another word.

Lena saw the objects in her hands, how they felt cold. She looked up again and saw Alex give the same artifacts to Cat Grant. She left the graveyard without a word.

::::::

Lena arrived at her apartment many hours later. She was delaying the inevitable. It was obvious that the crystal had some kind of message for her and she was not ready to see her friend for the last time so she drove around the city for hours, the city Kara once protected with pride. She felt a big void in her chest knowing that she would never see again a red blur crossing the skies, knowing she would never have surprise visits in her office from the sunny reporter, practically forcing her to eat. So she drove without a destination. She drove until she was almost out of gas and decided it was time to go home.

Her newly acquired apartment, the one Kara had been in only a couple of times, felt emptier than usual. Lena walked to her liquor cabinet, pleased to find a bottle of scotch half full and pouring some on a short glass. She dragged her feet towards the white couch facing the balcony and sat down. She took a big sip of her drink while with her other hand she pulled out the crystal and the disk from her coat pocket. She placed the disk on the round glass table and then she held the crystal in her hand, observing it closely. She could break it and spare herself of the pain. She could hide it somewhere, wait until she was ready but, who was she kidding? She would never be ready. It was better to watch it now, like ripping off a band-aid, and then she could drown in her sorrow again. She reached out and placed the crystal above the disk, letting go and watching how it held upright by itself. It started glowing and suddenly, there she was. _Kara._ Kara was standing right in front of her, her back to the balcony. The House of El crest looking a little pale as the whole image of her best friend. The hologram exuded a faint white light around Kara's frame that could be mistaken for the moonlight shining behind her. The blonde hair swayed a little and so did the cape as the woman appeared to take a deep breath.

After a few seconds of Lena gawking at the hologram, it finally spoke.

" _Hi Lena."_

::::::

_Kara was nervous. She was pacing from the kitchen to the living room and back over and over again._

"You don't have to do this, you know?" _Alex's voice came from the computer sitting on the kitchen counter, her face showing an exasperated expression after watching her sister going back and forth for the last 10 minutes._

" _But I have to, Alex" The blonde ran a hand through her hair. "Reign could've killed me and Lena would never know about me, about my past, about my fee–" she stopped herself, "… about my life on Krypton."_

"You could tell her now who you are." _The agent said as a matter-of-fact, deciding to ignore her sister's slip up._

" _I'm not ready yet." Kara was a coward, she knew that very well._

"So, is it better that she finds out after your hypothetical death?" _Alex wanted to slap her sister in the face, even if it hurt her and not the alien._

" _Is not hypothetical, it can happen any day now… and no, it's not better but I want to be ready in case I die tomorrow." She intended the last part as a joke but Alex didn't laugh._

"Reign is gone. You're not dying tomorrow."

" _You don't know that."_

 _Alex sighed loudly, resting her forehead on her crossed arms over her table._ "Do whatever you want, it's your secret, your choice. Just…" _she lifted her face,_ "I hope I _never_ have to deliver that crystal Kara." _Kara saw her sister reach out and close her laptop, disconnecting their call._

_The alien did the same. She placed the crystal over its base and touched the tip lightly, backing away and brushing her hands over her red skirt, as if trying to get rid of some imaginary wrinkles. A blue light indicated her that the crystal had started recording._

_Taking a deep breath, she spoke. "Hi Lena." She stayed quiet for a few moments, not really sure how to begin. Everything that she had rehearsed in her head was useless as her mind went blank. "If you're watching this, it means that…" she felt a knot forming in her throat, "it means that I'm dead…" Kara fisted her hands, trying to stop them from shaking, "First of all, I want to say I'm sorry." She lowered her gaze, looking at her boots, "I'm sorry for not telling you all of this sooner…" The Kryptonian lifted her face and placed her hands on her hips on her usual heroic pose, "You must be confused as to why Supergirl is sending you a message from the grave and… and can only tell you that it's because I'm a coward. And a hypocrite. And you deserved the truth so long ago but I couldn't bring myself to tell you that…" she bit her bottom lip, "that I'm Kara." A tear fell down her right cheek but Kara quickly wiped it away. "I'm Kara Danvers and I'm also Kara Zor-El of Krypton. You must have so many questions right now and I wish I could be there to answer them but, like we established before, I'm a big coward. So I'll just try to cover my story as best as I can." She paused for a few moments, trying to decide how to start telling her story. She crossed her arms over her chest. "I left Krypton right after my cousin Kal to protect him once we arrived to Earth, however, the explosion of the planet made my pod go off-course and I ended up on a place called The Phantom Zone. I was trapped there for two decades, asleep." Kara closed her eyes, fighting off the memories of being trapped. "When I finally landed on Earth, my cousin was already Superman and he took me to the Danvers. Adjusting was hard, I was on a strange planet with all these powers I didn't know how to control, almost all my family was dead – or at least I thought so – and my only living relative was too busy saving others to be there for me… I didn't get along with Alex at first but that changed over time," She couldn't hide the smile that came to her face when thinking about her sister, "She helped me feel normal, she helped me keep my feet on the ground which can be really hard when you can actually fly!" She joked, "And we grew up and I tried to be normal… I was told that it was dangerous to use my powers, that the world didn't need another Super and I convinced myself that it was true, even when I ached to help." Kara shrugged, "But then a plane was falling off the sky and my sister was in it. How could I let her die when I had what it took to save her? So I did. I saved that plane and from then on I'm sure you know the rest." There was a long pause after that. "When I first met you, I didn't know what to think. You were the sister of the man who tried to kill Kal but also you hadn't done anything wrong yourself. We're all innocent until proven guilty and we had nothing on you. And then, that first day in your office, I just had to look closely into your eyes to know you were telling the truth. I still checked your office but that only proved me right, that you weren't lying to us. I defended you against my sister, against my friends, against my boss and even against Superman, all of them thinking you were_ just another Luthor _but I knew they were wrong. You always helped me, as Kara and as Supergirl, you always tried to make the world better and were even willing to sacrifice yourself to do so. I'm sorry I lied to you for all these years, I'm sorry about how I reacted when we discovered you had and could fabricate kryptonite. It was never about whether I trusted you or not, it was about me being scared to lose to an enemy and not being able to save everyone. That's my biggest fear… and I guess it came true somehow if you're watching this. At least, I hope I died protecting everyone, doing something heroic and maybe a little stupid," she chuckled, "but if everyone is alive, then it was worth it… Again, I'm sorry for not telling you… I wanted to tell you so many times but I was afraid I'd lose you… you were the only one who saw me only as Kara and I didn't want that to change. I was selfish and, even if I try to fool myself saying I'm trying to protect you, I know I did wrong… I hope you can forgive me for that and also for this… for dying. It was never my intention to cause you pain, I love making you smile, you have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen," Kara smiled hard, even squinting her eyes and making them shed some more tears, "I care deeply for you, Lena Luthor. More than you can possibly imagine. And I hope that, once I'm gone, you can still smile when thinking about me and when you do the things you love most. I pray to Rao for you to have a beautiful life, filled with love and laughter and happiness, you deserve_ so much _happiness... If you ever miss me, just look at the stars. I'll be waiting for you to join me in the celestial journey… But not too soon!" The blonde added quickly, "Don't you dare join me too soon because I'll be really upset, okay? I can wait for as long as it takes, remember that. If I didn't answer all your questions, talk to Alex. She'll tell you anything you want to know." The blonde nibbled on her bottom lip, "Khap zhao rrip, Lena." Kara got closer to the crystal and tapped the tip again, ending the recording. She removed the crystal from the disk and placed it on the table, preparing another one for recording once again._

" _Hello, Miss Grant."_

::::::

Lena felt like she was going to drown on her tears, she felt her chest heavy, she couldn't breathe. The hologram disappeared and the CEO buried her face on her knees. She was so angry, she wanted to break something, punch someone, anything to get rid of the pressure on her chest. Instead, she strode towards her liquor cabinet again and drank the first liquid she grabbed, straight from the bottle. The burning feeling on her throat was immediate but she didn't care, she only lowered the bottle when her lungs started to demand for air. Lena lifted the bottle again and downed all its contents, smashing the bottle on the floor once it was empty. She stumbled as she backed away, the alcohol starting to affect her due to the speed in which she drank it. The young Luthor turned around, deciding she should keep crying on her bed when she saw something. The silhouette of a woman standing on her balcony. A blonde woman. Fuck, she was really drunk, or maybe she was just going crazy. Her brain was so fucked up that it couldn't even imagine Kara with some of her casual clothes or even her super suit. No, it was picturing the woman with some kind of gray sports clothes with a red pattern.

Lena pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes as she tried to regulate her breathing. "She's not there, you're imagining things." She whispered, removing her hands from her face and slapping her cheek with not much force. She opened her eyes, expecting her balcony to be empty but that was not the case. _She_ was still there. "You're gonna hunt me now, aren't you?" She barked out with a raised brow. "This is my punishment for letting you die, right?" Lena started walking towards the glass door, watching as the blonde on the other side stood still. "They say there's no rest for the wicked… I guess they were right." She reached out to the door and slide it open, goose bumps rising on her ivory skin when the cold air hit it.

"Lena?" The blonde asked so low that the CEO didn't notice the different intonation.

"You've forgotten who I am?"

The blonde lifted one hand slowly, stretching it in front of her until she cupped Lena's cheek with it, caressing her cheekbone with her thumb. The green eyed woman sucked in a breath at the contact. "Is it strange that I have memories of you but this is actually the first time I have seen you?"

Lena closed her eyes and lifted a hand to cover the blonde's. It felt so real, so warm under the glove she had. She was indeed going crazy. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kara."

The blonde's brows drew together, forming a crinkle. "I'm not Kara."

Green eyes snapped open. "What do you mean you're not Kara?" She backed away, breaking the contact.

The blonde lowered her hand gently. "They called me Snowbird."

Lena scrunched up her face in confusion. "What –? How can you _not_ be Kara? What kind of twisted nightmare is this?" She ran her hand through her hair in a frustrated manner as she turned around, not wanting to face not-Kara. Her brain was fucking with her, big time.

"I'm not her… but I have her memories." Snowbird tried to explain but was actually making Lena more confused as she noticed the slight accent.

"What the fuck are you!?" Lena was so riled up she tried to push the woman, who didn't move even an inch, causing Lena to stumble back.

The blonde took a step towards Lena, who took a step back in response. "I don't know… I don't remember who I am but… I know who _she_ is." She looked down at her hands. "I don't know why or how it happened I just… I suddenly got all this images in my head." She looked up again, searching for green eyes who looked at her with so many emotions, awe, anger, confusion, sadness and more.

Lena shook her head as she spoke, "No, no, no, this is the alcohol, it's making me see nonsense, it's –" she didn't get to finish her sentence as she tripped while backing away from the blonde. Lena closed her eyes, waiting to feel the pain in her lower region. Maybe that would snap her out of this illusion induced by alcohol, however, the pain never came. When she opened her eyes, she found a pair of familiar blue ones staring at her, strong arms around her, one behind her back and another under her knees in a bridal carry, but what she noticed more was the warmth enveloping her. Instinctively, she brought her arms around the blonde's neck, getting even closer to the point where she could feel her breathing in her lips.

Snowbird's eyes traveled from Lena's green pools to her soft lips and back up. "I think I should get you to bed. You're not well." Without trouble, she carried the raven haired woman towards her room and gently put her down on her bed. "Sleep. I will be here in the morning."

Lena's eyelids felt heavy and her head was spinning. Maybe sleep wasn't such a bad idea. Besides, she'd probably forget all about this stupid dream/nightmare in the morning. Her eyes closed and didn't open again.

Morning came and Lena was regretting drinking every single drop of alcohol she had the night before. She felt like someone was pounding on her head with a hammer, her mouth was as dry as a desert and her eyes burned like she was trying to open them under the sea. Memories of the funeral rushed to her mind, making her feel worse than what she was already feeling. She turned on the bed, burying her face on her pillow and she screamed, not caring that it made her headache worse.

"Are you alright?" A voice asked from behind the CEO. This time, her scream wasn't muffled by the pillow.

"What the fuck!?" Lena scrutinized the woman before her as images from last night flooded her brain. It wasn't a nightmare then?

"Lena, calm down, I will bring you some water." If Lena wasn't so shocked, she might've found adorable the way this _Snowbird_ pronounced her 'r'. She disappeared for a few seconds and came back with a tall glass of water and a wet cloth.

The young Luthor slowly reached out for the glass she was being offered, her hands shaking a little. "Who are you? Are you another Bizarro?"

Snowbird shook her head softly. "No, I'm not. I don't know exactly what I am but…" She took a seat on the edge of the bed. "… I am connected to Supergirl somehow."

Lena eyed the water a little suspicious but finally gave in and took a sip, her throat thanked her. "Explain. From the beginning."

"Okay," the blonde agreed with a nod. "I will start from the beginning… I woke up on a place with much snow…"

::::::

_Everything hurt. Her skin felt like it was on fire, it hurt to breathe, to move. The soldiers carried her to a room as she grunted in pain._

" _What is happening to me?" She asked as the soldiers put her down on a chair._

" _There's only one thing on this earth that can hurt you and the Americans just seeded the skies with it."_ Alex _explained as she followed inside the room._

"Мне больно!" ' _It hurts!' It hurt so much._

" _You'll never feel like this again, I will protect you. But there's something we have to do first." He pulled out a small black box, opened the lid and revealed a pair of golden earrings and a needle. "Your flesh is weak, this is the only time we can do this." He got close to her and took her earlobe between his fingers. A sharp pain added to the one she was already feeling coursed through her skin. "Someday, you may have to match her."_

" _Who?" She was confused and in so much pain, she could barely think._

Alex _nodded to the side, signaling a soldier to activate some kind of special confinement cube around her. "It's time for you to know your full truth. You're strong. You are Kaznia. But you're also something more. That green flash you saw is poison to your species." The pain started to subside as a series of images were shown to her inside her small prison. "Made of fragments of your home planet. You are one of the last daughters of Krypton."_

" _Krypton?" She saw a planet explode._

" _You will usher in a new era of peace, equality. Nations unlike Kaznia who believe in greed will rise against you, and its greatest champion will stand between you and your work."_

 _The image of a woman who looked just like her appeared, cladded with a symbol. She stared at the images for hours until something happened. The same images she was watching on the screens where suddenly inside her head, as memories. She cradled her head between her hands, confused by this flashes, this woman dressed in blue and red helping people, rescuing the defenseless, fighting for justice unlike the images she was shown. She saw her again, now dressed differently, working a job, laughing with her friends, smiling to a woman. She knew her name somehow… Lena._ Alex' _s sister? And memories of a trial, watched from a TV… Why was_ Alex _being convicted? He was a good man, he was helping her, what did all this memories mean!? Why did they called him Lex? Why every time she saw a redhead she felt like she knew her,_ Alex, _was she Alex? Why, why, why!? She opened her eyes. She remembered everything._

_And so, she waited. She waited for them to release her from her confinement. She knew what kryptonite could do to her, she could still feel it under her skin. After what felt like days – and probably were – they let her out._

"The air is cleared of kryptonite." _A soldier informed her in their native tongue, one that she knew well but at the same time felt foreign after what happened to her._

"Отлично." _Excellent._

" _I told you, English." Lex walked into the room. "We need to –" he didn't get to finish his sentence as the blonde lifted him by the neck with ease._

" _I know everything,_ Lex. _" She spat out his name._

_All the soldiers surrounded them, screaming at her to put him down._

" _I-I don't k-know what you're t-talking about." Lex had trouble speaking with a hand blocking his airway._

" _It does not matter. You will not be alive long enough to care." And with that, she brought a hand to his nape and she snapped his neck. His body fell limply to the ground as the soldiers started to shoot her, but she was out of there before they could empty one magazine._

::::::

Lena was speechless. It was a lot to take in. Apparently her brother could go in and out of prison without anyone knowing. He had been helping the Kaznian government and now he was dead. _Lex was dead._ Killed by a copy of Supergirl. "H-how…?"

Snowbird pressed her lips together. "I once heard Al –" she stopped herself, "Lex, talking to a woman… he was leaving and I was curious. She said something about…" she moved her hands, as if trying to remember, "… black kryptonite."

Recognition dawned on Lena's face. " _Harun-El_ …" she whispered, "Of course! It splits Kryptonians! Kara must have touched it and you appeared!" There wasn't a word to describe what Lena was feeling. Kara was here. She practically jumped over the blonde, her arms around her shoulders as she buried her face on her neck. "Kara!"

The blonde hugged her back but not for long. She gently pushed Lena away after a few seconds. "I'm not Kara." She repeated her words from the night before.

"W-what? You came from Kara, you _are_ Kara!" Lena insisted. Life was giving her a second chance and she was not willing to let it slip between her fingers.

An apologetic expression overtook the blonde's features. "I have her memories but I'm a different person." She looked down and grabbed Lena's hands between hers. "I just wanted to see you… I can tell that her feelings for you were strong and I also know she never got a chance to tell you in person." She squeezed Lena's hands as she looked up, gazing into her green eyes. "I wanted to tell you how much she loved you. You made her want to be better. She wanted to protect the world for you, _you_ were her world even if she didn't see it." Lena's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'm not her," she said again, "and even if I wanted to take her place, I could not. I'm getting weak. From the moment I got this memories I felt weakened, that's why it took me so long to get here."

"We'll use Harun-El! It can fix you!" Lena desperately said.

Snowbird smiled sadly. "It can't. I'm linked to your Kara and I will face her same fate. I just wanted to thank you… for making her so happy." She stood up and walked out of the room.

Lena was frozen in her bed for a moment, until she finally reacted and jumped out of bed, following her. The blonde was outside her balcony, eyes closed, enjoying the sun as she breathed the cool air of the morning.

"Please, don't go." The CEO begged one last time.

Snowbird opened her eyes but didn't turn around. "Tell Alex I love her." And with that, she disappeared into a purple cloud.

Lena crumble to her knees, sobbing, as she lost the love of her life once again.


	2. Cat Grant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's message to Cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previusly posted on fanfiction.net ;)

Cat Grant never cried. She wasn't a weak person so she did not cry, ever. Not after any of her marriages ended, not at the start of her career when men belittled her for her gender, not when she was forced to sell her company, the company she had built from the ground up, by some greedy shareholders – she was glad Lena Luthor had bought it in the end and not that clown Morgan Edge – and she did not cry during any of the times her life had been in danger. The only time she cried was when she had to give her son away, and that had been more than two decades ago. However, she couldn't help but cry when she found out: the Girl of Steel was _dead_. The most promising, brilliant and kind woman she had ever known, was dead. She didn't die in a battle worthy of every newspaper's headline in the world. She didn't die protecting the planet from a threat so big not even Superman could face alone. She died unceremoniously because some coward decided to poison the Earth. Cat didn't know if she wanted to laugh or to cry, so she did both. The second she found out, she picked up her phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. She used to dial it at 4 in the morning to demand for absurd things. She used to dial it late at night, only to say she wasn't happy about something. Now she dialed it as her last hope. Her assistant may have fooled her at first but, deep down, Cat had always known. But if there was the slightly chance that she was wrong, that they never were the same person, she had to find out. So she dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up. One tone, nothing. Two tones, nothing still. Three tones, – wait. Someone picked it up...

" _Miss Grant?"_

… But it wasn't Kara.

She let a bitter laugh escape her lips as a lonely tear traveled down her face. "It was always her, wasn't she?" Cat asked a question she already knew the answer to.

There was silence for a few seconds, until the woman at the other end of the phone spoke again. _"Yes."_

The blonde pinched the bridge of her nose between her middle finger and her thumb. "She's really gone?"

Cat heard a hitched breath. _"She's gone."_

The media mogul let out a trembling sigh. "You're Alex, right?" It may seem like Cat never paid attention to her overly cheerful assistant but she remembered almost everything. Kara was constantly talking about her sister. Besides, she remembered meeting an agent Alex Danvers after Supergirl rescued her from the explosion of the Air Force One back when the Daxamites invaded.

" _I am."_

"I'm so sorry, Alex." Cat didn't know why she was apologizing. There's nothing she could've done to help but… maybe she was apologizing for not being there.

For a few moments, only the sound on Alex's breathing filled the silence. _"I'm sorry too, Miss Grant."_

"When is her funeral?" The blonde cut straight to the chase.

" _Tomorrow afternoon. I'll send you the details."_ The redhead replied.

"Thank you… Is there anything you need?" She couldn't help but ask. Kara had done so much for her, not only as her assistant but also as Supergirl, Cat felt like she owed her a lot.

" _No, we have it covered."_ Alex answered. _"You being here will be more than enough… but thanks for asking."_

Cat nodded even if Alex couldn't see her. "Don't thank me. But I mean it. Anything. Just ask and I'll make it happen."

Alex huffed out a quiet chuckle. _"My sister was right… you have a really hard exterior but you care so much…"_

The blonde rolled her eyes playfully. "I guess she was right… I'll see you tomorrow."

" _See you there, Miss Grant."_ And the line went silent.

The queen of all media was on a plane by that same night, landing on National City just before midnight. It hadn't been easy to get a nanny for Carter in such short notice – even if he insisted he didn't need one, Cat wasn't dumb enough to leave her adolescent son alone – and it appeared like everyone wanted to go to National City that day, if it was because of what happened with the heroine, Cat did not know. As her hired town car took her from the airport to her hotel she asked the driver to go to the water front first. She was met with a multitude of people around the Girl of Steel statue, all of them grieving the fallen Champion of Earth. Then, they drove in front of CatCo, where every screen was playing a different video of the alien and the building was illuminated with Supergirl's colors and crest. Cat thought of the many times the sometimes called 'Maiden of Might' had visited her on her office, trying to warn her that her life was in danger or only to thank her. Thank her for her trust. Cat had trusted her with her life. It was hard to believe she was gone. Not long after, she was in her hotel room, letting her emotions out as she quietly cried herself to sleep.

::::::

Cat woke up the next day almost at noon. She ordered room service as she pulled out an outfit adequate for the occasion. All black of course but she was _Cat Grant_ and she had to look good. She ate her food, took a shower and dressed up. She called the best florist in National City and arranged for them to deliver flowers every day, and until she said otherwise, to the Girl of Steel statue. If Alex didn't want help for the funeral, that was fine but Cat really wanted to do something for Kara.

She arrived at the cemetery when it was almost empty, so far only Kara's family and close friends were there. It seemed fitting she was there too. Putting on the biggest sunglasses she owned, Cat walked towards the familiar face of a redhead who's standing next to an older looking blonde. The young woman was the first to notice her presence.

"Miss Grant."

"Call me Cat, please." The former CEO said as she hugged the redhead in an unusual gesture that, given the circumstances, felt appropriate.

Pulling away from the hug after a few seconds, Alex introduced her mom. "Cat, this is Kara and I's mom."

The other blonde stepped forward and hugged Cat. "I'm Eliza Danvers. My daughter always spoke highly of you, Cat." She broke the contact.

"You raised an amazing woman… two actually." Cat corrected herself, looking at Alex briefly. "She always wanted to make both of you proud."

Eliza smiled with a little sadness but pride overtook quickly. "She did."

The media mogul nodded slowly, she removed her sunglasses, placing them atop of her head and reached out with her hands to grab one of Eliza's and one of Alex's. "Saying I'm sorry for your loss would be an understatement…" she squeezed their hands lightly, "… but like I told Alex over the phone, if you need anything, just let me know."

"Thank you…" Both Danvers women said at the same time.

Cat only nodded again, letting go of them, placing her sunglasses over her red eyes and walking towards James Olsen.

Not long after, the gravesite was filled with people. Cat wasn't surprised that Kara had been loved by so many. Alex said some beautiful words that made her almost tear up again. Then, they put flowers over the casket as it was lowered to the ground. The blonde noticed Lena Luthor finally getting close. _It was about time,_ she thought. She kept herself busy talking to Jimmy and the gorgeous Clark Kent. She was in the middle of telling him how she was _not_ going to ask him to break up with that Lane woman when she felt someone tapping her shoulder.

"Cat, can I talk to you?"

The blonde turned around, just missing Clark's relieved expression. "Of course Alex." She turned around to face the reporter again, who had quickly changed his expression. "If you excuse me…"

"Of course, Miss Grant. It was nice seeing you again, even if it was in these horrible circumstances."

Cat smiled at him and followed Alex, who led them to a spot with less people. The redhead took her left hand out of the pocket of her coat, holding a crystal and some kind of disk. "She wanted me to give you this."

The blonde reached out and took the strange objects out of Alex's hand. "What is it?"

Alex put her hands on her pockets again. "It's a message… You just have to place the crystal on top of the disk and it will do the rest." She explained.

Cat examined the crystal for a few moments. "Okay… Thank you."

Alex sighed as she nodded. "You're welcome."

Cat didn't linger in the cemetery for long. She had to get back home that night for Carter and the flight was a long one. She went back to her hotel room and started packing the few things she brought with her. Once she was done, she sat on the bed, looking at the strange objects in her hands. It was weird to think this was advanced technology when it only looked like a weird Swarovski crystal and a fancy coaster but it wasn't like she had much experience on the field. She placed the disk on the bedside table and then the crystal, watching with curiosity as it started shining. Suddenly, the image of Supergirl was right in front of her, glowing slightly like a ghost from the 80's movies.

" _Hello, Miss Grant."_

::::::

" _Hello, Miss Grant." Kara scratched her cheek with her index. "I suppose it doesn't shock you to confirm that I'm Kara, right?" She joked with a smile. "It's always been me, you were always right… I'm sorry I couldn't tell you before but… I was afraid. Not of you telling the world my identity, I know you wouldn't have done that… I was afraid that, once you knew, you'd fire me as you said. I don't know if you know how much it means to me working at CatCo… it's not_ just _a job, it's not_ just _a way to make a living… it's me trying to be normal." She chuckled, "I bet you must be wondering 'why does this girl want to be_ normal _'?, right?" Kara looked down with a shy smile, "It's because I wasn't always Super, you know?" She paused for a few seconds, "I left Krypton at 13 years old… and I wasn't Super. Back on my planet, we don't have this incredible abilities. I was a normal child like any other on Earth. Coming here was the biggest challenge I've ever had." She lifted her chin again, "I had powers but I was told not to use them. I wanted to be normal but I couldn't. So I had to adapt… survive. Working for you, as much frustrating as it could sometimes be, was one of the best things that ever happened to me. You showed me how much powerful a woman can be, even without powers like mine. You taught me to stand up for what I want and you gave me the opportunity to become a reporter, to seek justice even out of this suit," she motioned at herself, her cape swaying at the movement, "and you believed in me even after I literally threw you down your balcony." The blonde said the last part with shame. "You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself… and you made me see it was not selfish to want to save my loved ones over the world… you told me I was human when all I ever thought I had been was a Kryptonian… So, thank you." A smile took over her features. "Thank you Miss Grant, for everything you've done for me, for all your good advices, for_ naming _me even if I didn't like it at first… I suppose I would have earned the name 'Superwoman' later on and, since you're watching this, I'm sorry I didn't. Forgive me for letting you down." Kara pressed her lips together, thinking of her next words. "I am Kara Zor-El of Krypton and it was a true honor to get to know you, Catherine Grant."_

::::::

The hologram disappeared after those last words. Cat smiled as a tear slid down her cheek. "The honor was all mine Kara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I want to continue this BUT it won't be soon, I'm in my last year of Uni and COVID has made everything about it difficult. If everything goes right, this could be a really big project, a really long fic so... stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> There is another chapter ready and I may do more in the future, stay tuned.


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